For Feb 17, 2010

Didn't want to be late again this year, so I decided to enter a post earlier.

2 days short of 7 years.

Yes, I count it every year. Just to remind myself how far I've come and how I should cherish everything and everyone around me.

Bestie said my post last year ended on a down note. Well, it wasn't suppose to. It's suppose to be a memorial, an anniversary of sorts.

I just want to mark this date, for various reasons.

Went back to Ward 76 Room 12 and tried to take a peek at who's on Bed 4 months ago. Everything seemed familiarly distant.

Walked through the route I'd probably have taken from bed to operating theatre and back. And I tried to recall what was on my mind and how I felt back then. But my memories were somehow blurred and emotions not as strong.

Maybe it's the sedatives. Whatever.

I always regret not being able to note down the nitty gritties that filled the days back then.

I wasn't a Spongebob fan. There wasn't even cable TV at home.

Friends who visited were the same old few, cos' those were the few who knew what went on.

Books... I read but not too much. To Kill a Mockingbird... Crucible... Rice without Rain... and some religious publications visitors left for me.

Seriously, I'm always amazed how I slept through days of doing nothing. I'm good.

I remember someone asking me if I had any revelation after undergoing such a major procedure.

And I remember telling her that didn't really happen to me. I didn't think people are bound to change for the better after going through major surgeries.

Personality is something so deeply entrenched in you. Character shift may occur but I always think it can only happen to a certain extend.

It's isn't easy to change someone, for good. Definitely not easy.

Like I said, I've definitely changed in some ways but a large part of me remains the same.

If I could start my life all over again , of course I'd want to be a healthy kid. Anyone would, isn't it? It's just human nature.

But if nothing can be changed, I wouldn't mind going through what I went through 7 years back. The learning experience I took away enriched myself and made me much stronger after all.

I'm glad I went through it all with the right mentality. =)